


So You Won't Be Alone

by BeeJooheony



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crushes, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 21:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15324615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeJooheony/pseuds/BeeJooheony
Summary: Kihyun starts dieting for Monsta X's Dramarama comeback, and Shownu's crush on Kihyun makes the leader want to make sure the main vocalist is okay.





	So You Won't Be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> written for the monsta x fanfic request forum! check them out here: https://mx-requests-forum.tumblr.com/
> 
> here's the prompt (skip to the fic if you don't want spoilers maybe): ShowKi + Fluff + Canon + Shownu getting really bothered by Kihyun’s weight loss and diet even though he’s watching his health well and he keeps hovering over the younger at mealtimes + Kihyun gets irritated and Shownu just blurts out that he likes him and Kihyun gets all flustered? And like he originally didn’t see the leader that way but Shownu keeps showering him with attention he finally falls for him?
> 
> this was in my drafts for a few months so i hope you enjoy despite the possible inconsistencies. thank you in advance for the support!! <3

Shownu was tired. Extremely tired.

Although it was only noon, the leader’s back ached as he sunk into the couch, silently hoping that Monsta X’s shoot for their new Dramarama music video would end sooner. The whole group and crew had to stay until every shot (besides the whole group’s choreo - they would have to get their hair re-dyed for that shot) was finished, despite Shownu and Wonho being finished with their respective scenes.

The leader wasn’t energetic, per say, but this newfound disinterest to everything around him resulted from the lack of sleep the night before, his twisting and turning that resulted from his growing concern for Monsta X.

Or more accurately, his concern for Kihyun.

Shownu sighed. He didn’t know when his interest in Kihyun originated, but his interest in the main vocalist itself, he realized, was much more than a platonic interest. Stemming from his time in No.Mercy, his love for the main vocalist exponentially grew from there, as Kihyun’s talent, organization skills, and compassion was recognized as their group continued working together and performing. Not to mention, that the main vocalist was very cute to the oldest, Kihyun’s masculinity _and_ femininity illustrated through his personality and physical appearance attracting Shownu’s attention.

Kihyun’s physical appearance, however, was the reason for Shownu’s concern, and therefore, lack of sleep.

Kihyun was thin. Shownu knew that. But Kihyun was _never_ as thin as he is now.

The main vocalist’s small stature was always well known throughout the group, the other members always teasing Kihyun about his lack of height and muscle, of course, out of playfulness and good intent. But Shownu felt like the other members, including Kihyun, were not concerned enough with Kihyun’s weight, and how much he’s lost since their debut.

Shownu would say it all started with just the concept with being an idol, and probably being a part of Monsta X specifically. The leader had picked up on Kihyun’s insecurity with his looks somewhat early, and the fact that small, thin Kihyun was next to tall, Korean-beauty-standard Hyungwon, and muscular, fangirl-attracting Wonho is definitely a factor in Kihyun starting his diet.

And then the leader’s concern starting growing more when Kihyun actually started his diet. The younger had always made sure to shave a few pounds before each comeback (each diet severe in Shownu’s opinion), but for their Dramarama promotion, Kihyun quickly worked to present himself at the thinnest stature Shownu had ever seen. The leader has even noticed that Kihyun’s couldn’t even fit in his clothes from a year ago, his clothes looking baggy on his slimmer form.

Not to mention Kihyun had the occasional habit of skipping meals, often skipping dinner or replacing a meal with a snack before any photoshoots or promotional filming. If Shownu earned 1,000 won for every time Kihyun had ever mentioned that he didn’t want to bloat for the camera, he would be swimming in money.

The leader’s crush on Kihyun caused his concern for his small member to circle throughout his mind more, until it was suddenly interrupted by a pair of small hands landing onto his shoulders.

“Hey, hyung! Jooheonnie and I are done filming.”

Shownu looked up to see a pale face under a mop of dyed orange hair.

“Oh,” a grin formed on the leader’s face, “it’s nice to see you, Kihyunnie.”

“Ah~,” Kihyun relaxed onto the couch, slightly wrapping his arms around Shownu’s neck, “It took so long, especially with filming the car crash.” He raised a hand to wipe the sweat of of his forehead. “Not to mention all the running I had to do for the camera…”

Shownu focused onto Kihyun’s face, his face slowly conforming to his ongoing unease with the younger’s health. Kihyun’s face was drenched with sweat and completely flushed, his eyes filled with ache and surrounded with slightly smeared eyeliner. Shownu turned his body to face the back of the couch, his arms placed behind the lead vocalist’s back to sturdy him.

“Kihyunnie…” Shownu could feel a slight heat form in his cheeks. “...Are you-”

“Aish~” Kihyun’s arms clutched the ones surrounding his small form, ready to push them away. “Shownu-hyung, I’m fine… just tired, is all…”

That didn’t ease the leader, as he proceeded to get a water bottle to give to Kihyun.

“Ah, Shownu-hyung! Thank you...” Kihyun quickly moved to open the water bottle. “This is just what I needed.”

Shownu replied further to Kihyun’s exhaustion with a bag of dried fruit, already opened and waved in front of the younger’s face to grab his attention. After Kihyun took a giant drink of water, Kihyun’s attention turned towards the snack, his hand quickly dragging Shownu’s down as a sign of disinterest.

“Hyung…” Kihyun’s face was apologetic, “you know I’m on a diet. I… can’t snack that much right now...”

“O-Oh,” Shownu threw the bag of fruit to the edge of the couch. He turned away from the younger’s face. “Of course, Kihyun-ah.”

Kihyun wiped his hair away from his face, placing it behind one of his ears. “Shownu-hyung…?”

The lead vocalist sounded too cute. Shownu wanted to look back to Kihyun’s face but couldn’t out of embarrassment.

“Just remember to eat healthy, okay?” Shownu quietly said after a few moments of awkward silence.

“Of course, Shownu-hyung!” Kihyun placed his hands on his hips, his posture straightened to grab Shownu’s full attention. “I’ve been eating the healthiest just for our comeback!” His response was playful but that didn’t make Shownu take it less seriously.

The leader grunted, amused at Kihyun’s whimsicalness. Maybe the younger would take the older’s advice seriously someday…

\---

“Ah, Kihyun-hyung… it smells so good in here!!” Jooheon, the first to walk into the kitchen for dinner, proclaimed while hugging Kihyun from behind.

The rest of the group soon followed the younger member into the kitchen, Shownu being the last one to enter. He was still tired last night’s restless sleep, so he failed to stifle a big yawn. Everyone, including Kihyun, turned out of concern towards their leader to see if he was okay.

Wonho first sighed in an immediate reply. “Shownu-hyung, you’ve been tired all day…” He stepped towards the older, placing an arm around the leader’s shoulder. “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

Shownu stiffened at the sudden contact, turning his head slightly away from the group, his eyes focused on the group. “Ah, guys, I’m fine. Just… tired…” He yawned again, a smaller one, but still equally noticed by the group.

Kihyun took off his apron and placed it in the food closet, and soon skipped over to Shownu’s side, holding Shownu’s hand in the process (which Shownu appreciated, but was kind of not ready for). 

“Hyung,” Kihyun said, his face soft in expression, even though his eyes bore into Shownu’s with curiosity. “I want you to eat dinner first! You can sleep right after, okay?” Shownu tried looking at Kihyun face-to-face, but the smaller member was too cute and Shownu couldn’t help but feel nervous.

The leader ruffled Kihyun’s head, making the younger rigid and loosen his grasp from older. “Alright, Kihyunnie,” Shownu said, trying to stifle a chuckle from Kihyun’s hatred towards being teased. The rest of the group’s eyes were stuck on the interaction, Jooheon, Minhyuk, and Changkyun all communicating by playfully punching each other with near sparkles in their eyes.

After Kihyun quickly regained his composure, he playfully punched the older’s arm right before heading back to the kitchen to set the group’s table and prepare all of the dishes. After everyone had gotten their food, the group ate quietly, but happily, as the food Kihyun cooked - it was ramyun this time, per Wonho’s request - was incredible. Shownu’s worries had seemingly disappeared for a moment, as Kihyun especially looked happy being able to satisfy all of the members’ appetites.

If only Kihyun had finished more than half of his dish before getting up from the table to clean his dishes, however, maybe Shownu would have felt better.

Hyungwon perked up from his dinner, noticing the small member already leaving the table. “Kihyun, you’re finished already?”

“Ah,” Kihyun said, pausing his journey to the sink to speak to the members at the table. “I’m on a diet! I can’t finish it all today, so I’ll have the rest for breakfast tomorrow…”

Shownu’s attention was fully on Kihyun. He straightened his back to look at him behind the countertop, his posture and face stern with worry. 

“Kihyunnie, you can still eat more today.” The oldest got up from the table, the squeak of the chair moving across the kitchen floor attracting every member’s attention now. He quickly joined Kihyun’s side. “No one else is even done yet…”

Kihyun stepped back, a little startled from the leader’s sudden presence next to him. A slightly panicked smile was plastered on his face. “Um… Shownu-hyung… I’m full…”

Shownu stepped closer to the younger, trying to make contact with Kihyun’s form to make him stop and truly pay attention to Shownu’s concern. “Kihyunnie,” exasperation uncharacteristically underlined Shownu’s tone, causing the rest of the members to cease their dinner and ease in on the conversation. “I’m worried, okay? Your diets before each comeback are always destructive, and I don’t want you to feel weak at work-”

The leader was interrupted from Kihyun firmly placing his ramyun bowl down on the counter. He noticed that Kihyun’s ears were completely pink.

“Hyung,” Kihyun said, looking up at the older, Shownu almost crumbling at the younger’s glare. “You can’t force me to eat when I can’t, okay? You know I can’t eat a whole bowl of ramyun... why do you expect me to eat more than I normally do when I’m trying to _lose weight-_ ”

Shownu heard a few of the members get up from the table, probably to intervene in his and Kihyun’s conversation, but he really didn’t want them involved.

“Kihyun, I’m just worried, alright?” Shownu leaned down to attempt to be a little more intimidating for his crush to listen. “I just… I… you’ve skipped meals a lot in the past, okay-”

Kihyun was irritated now. “I didn’t skip anything, it was one time-”

Shownu tried to hold Kihyun’s arm, but Kihyun slightly squirmed in his grasp. “Kihyun, why don’t you ever listen to me?” He felt a hand rest on his shoulder, a sign for the leader to stop interrogating the small member, but he didn’t even want to turn around to see who the hand belonged to. “You, of all people, just told me to eat enough before going to bed, when you can’t even finish a basic meal… Kihyun, your clothes don’t even fit you properly anymore.”

 _"H-Hyung,"_ Kihyun’s free arm moved towards his stomach, his form still trying to release from Shownu’s grasp. His face was nearly all red now. “You’ve basically said the same thing for the past two _years!_ Why do you always harass me about this and not Hyungwon or Minhyuk-”

“Because I don’t like Hyungwon or Minhyuk like _you,_ Kihyun!” Shownu retorted, standing completely still righ as the members around him ceased any further movement.

Kihyun’s eyes widened as he looked at the leader’s face. After being loosened from Shownu’s grasp he took a few steps back to relax himself on the counter.

“W-What…” Kihyun’s eyes scrambled to quickly scan the other members’ reactions, “...What do you mean, Hyunwoo-hyung…?”

Shownu’s arms were folded across his chest, his gaze on the floor away from any of the members’ faces, “I…” His face felt feverish. His whole body felt sore. He stepped back behind all of the members to get any closer outside of the dorm.

Jooheon glanced at Shownu, his face filled with confusion, yet it still felt sympathetic. “Hyung…”

Shownu saw Hyungwon’s face from his peripheral vision, and wanted to run. Hyungwon look frustrated, almost angry. The leader felt the smallest he had felt in a while.

Shownu remembered Wonho relaxing his hand on the leader’s shoulder as a sign of understanding before Shownu sprinted out of the building, quickly grabbing his backpack before locking the door on the way out.

He was headed to the gym. He would cool off there. He would text them about the situation there.

Shownu wiped his eyes, soon noticing that his sleeve was damp to the touch. He wished there was a possibility of all the members forgetting what Shownu had said. He wished there was a possibility of all the members forgetting Shownu’s crush on Kihyun.

\---

Shownu looked up towards the ceiling, his form laid spread-eagle on the bench press. A huge sigh echoed throughout the empty weight room.

...What did he do?

The leader’s hands found themselves flat on his face, attempting to hide his embarrassment despite no one else being there. Even though Shownu is not known for showing emotion, let alone crying in front of his members, practically his family, his face continued to stay damp, the fact that he had managed to embarass himself and Kihyun sinking in even deeper into his mind.

Shownu really didn’t want anyone to see him in his uncharacteristically discouraged state. He released his hands from his face and relaxed his arms beside him, dangling from his limp form with little energy left. He sighed again, trying to relax and calm his breathing, only for someone else’s hand to trail near his eyes to wipe his tears.

He quickly shot up from his lying form on the bench and pushed the other person’s body away from his. Shownu quickly regretted acting so volatile to the new figure as he realized that the hand to wipe the leader’s tears away had only belonged to Lee Minhyuk.

Lee Minhyuk, his co-worker, of course. Not one of the other idols named Lee Minhyuk.

Minhyuk - the usually chipper “human equivalent of the sun” member of Monsta X - looked drained and downcast, the bags under his eyes more prevalent from his sad expression and lack of makeup. Despite being pushed away by someone obviously more physically stronger than him, the slightly smaller member didn’t seem offended from the push and instead looked concerned about Shownu’s condition. 

“...Oh,” Shownu finally said, sitting up straighter and quickly wiping some moisture off of his cheeks, “...Minhyuk… hey.”

Minhyuk gently smiled, a face of sympathy shining from his visage. “Hey, Shownu-hyung...”

Shownu’s deeply gulped, anxiety slipping into his form from Minhyuk seeing him so candid. “Um,” the leader glanced away from the younger member and instead looked towards the floor, “I… I’m sorry…”

The leader crossed his arms and pulled his legs closer to his chest. “...I shouldn’t have run off like that-”

“Hyunwoo-hyung,” Minhyuk interrupted, sighing right after, “I… I-I get it… I mean, I get why you left…” He also crossed his arms, slower than Shownu had. “Changkyun and I are here to check up on you and take you home…”

The leader’s eye widened a bit. “You _and_ Changkyun?”

Minhyuk’s head motioned back to the weight room’s door, presumably where his and Changkyun’s taxi was parked outside, and then quickly turned his attention back to his leader. “Yeah....”

Shownu relaxed, his eyes still toward the floor. A few moments of silence between the two to Shownu felt like forever.

The leader heard quiet footsteps grow louder, eventually stopping when a hand was placed on his shoulder.

“Do you mind if I sit next to you, hyung?” Minhyuk asked, in a near whisper.

Shownu quietly grunted in reply and shook his head, and moved to let the younger member sit on the bench press beside him.

Minhyuk placed his hand originally on Shownu’s shoulder onto the bench press, getting himself sitting more comfortably as he turned his full attention to the leader. Shownu looked into the younger’s eyes, noticing Minhyuk’s slight tenseness in his form.

“So…” The younger member was obviously trying to word his sentence carefully, “you’re here… because you confessed… right?” 

Shownu tried looking away from Minhyuk, but Minhyuk’s hand took the leader’s jaw and lead his face back to return their previous eye contact.

“You… confessed, hyung… that you like Kihyun, right? _...Romantically,_ right?”

Shownu sighed, his eyes and face feeling a familiar sensation of warmth and tears reached his eyes again. Minhyuk’s hand prepared quickly, wiping some of the leader’s tears away before they could fall.

“Don’t cry, Shownu-hyung… you don’t need to cry, okay?” Minhyuk tried smiling to improve Shownu’s mood as the leader laid into Minhyuk’s figure, aggressively trying to wipe his tears away. The younger responded by pulling the older into a hug, attempting to relax Shownu by gently stroking his back. “Okay, you can cry, hyung, it’s good-”

The leader interrupted Minhyuk with a sniffle. “Um,” Shownu pulled away from the younger’s form, sitting up straight. “I…”

Shownu’s visage softened into his usual emotionless expression, as he tried calmly wiping the moisture from his face. The strain he was putting on himself could have been obvious to a stranger. “I apologize, Minhyuk-ah, I… this isn’t like me…” A new stream of tears went down his face, but the leader tried his best to wipe them off without breaking down again.

Minhyuk relaxed and heavily sighed.

“Hyung, don’t be like that….”

Shownu’s eyes were now directly at Minhyuk. “...Like what, Min?”

Minhyuk shifted around a bit, making himself as comfortable as someone possibly could sitting on half of a bench press. “Like, you know… you’re always apologizing, when you really don’t need to…”

Shownu just tilted his head in reply.

 _“Ugh,”_ Minhyuk rolled his eyes, “hyung. Everyone knows your Monsta X’s leader, right?”

Shownu, with his head still tilted, nodded in reply.

“Right,” Minhyuk’s face tilted down, his legs criss-crossed while he started slowly twiddling his thumbs. “As our leader, you, you know, lead us. You lead us as a K-pop group, by presenting our group in music shows, checking and polishing our performances… heck, you’re willing to talk to management when none of us are…”

After a quick pause in his explanation, Minhyuk looked up at the leader, his eyes shining with admiration. “You, hyung, also help us personally, as friends, as family.... Whenever someone’s sad or pissed, or both, despite this emotionless facade you put on for the award shows, you’re really good to talk to. Everyone in our group agrees with me that you’re easily the most stable with your emotions out of the group.”

Shownu was focused on Minhyuk, his mouth slightly open in anticipation on where Minhyuk would actually go. The leader wouldn’t really think he was the most stable with his emotions anymore, considering what Minhyuk was witnessing at the moment.

Minhyuk’s face then suddenly changed in mood, his expression now tense, almost with sympathy. He swiftly wiped another tear that traveled down the leader’s face.

“But,” the younger’s hand moved towards his bangs as he wiped him away from his eyes, “...you never let us return that support, hyung. Like, we know you don’t display your personal concerns to us that often, so instead, you just build it up without taking care of it, and you push us away ‘cause you’re afraid of us being concerned for you-”

Now it was Shownu’s expression tensing up in concern. “Min, this is different.” His eyes quickly shifted to the floor to avoid direct eye contact with his co-worker. “I basically have a crush on one of our members, a man, no less. I, _as leader of Monsta X-”_

Minhyuk rolled his eyes again, “Here we go-”

“Minhyuk-ah, I shouldn’t be concerned with such things. I should only be concerned about Kihyun as a friend, and not play favorites with our members like Starship is some college where I would be able to mess around in a relationship.” Shownu sighed.

“You saw Kihyun when I confessed, I guess,” Shownu softly voiced. “He’s not interested in me. No one in our group, in our company, wanted this. No one would ever want me to be with Kihyun like that.”

Minhyuk’s eyes were glistening now, as if he was about to tear up along with his leader. “...You don’t know that, Shownu-hyung.”

“Yes, I do. What company wants one of their band members to be distracted out of being lovestruck?” Shownu crossed his arms, his posture more nervous and fragile as he continued to talk. “But every time I tell myself that, Kihyun just… makes me feel different. He makes me feel like I want to abandon everything I’ve worked for to get into this group-”

“Hyung, that’s not feeling like you want to abandon your career, that’s feeling normal.”

Shownu stared at Minhyuk in total confusion. “I’m in love with Kihyun, that’s not normal-”

 _“Hyung!”_ Minhyuk yelled in frustration, tears at the corners of his eyes. “You’re so dumb, _really!_ You care about Kihyun so much that if Kihyun stepped on you, you would say ‘thank you’! _Everyone_ could see it.”

“Minhyuk-ah-”

“Don’t ‘Minhyuk-ah’ me, hyung,” Minhyuk sighed again, trying to calm himself down. “During our preparations for our new album, everyone was stressed, especially you, hyung. Sure, you were concerned for Kihyun’s health, we all are, but it was something other than the band you were concerned about.

“You were concerned about Kihyun, hyung. We saw the spark you had in your eye every time Kihyun laughed or smiled or whatever… It was nice to see you emote, you know....” Minhyuk took an inhale of breath while wiping his eyes so he wouldn’t cry. “Shownu-hyung, you’re in love. It would be nice for you to act like a normal person and talk to Kihyun about your feelings when you were ready to actually, but _no-o-o,_ you just hold it in and freak out and keep Kihyun and the rest of us confused!!”

“But I’m-”

“Hyung, I don’t care that Kihyun’s a man. No one in our group cares. If anyone hates you because you like a man, they’re close-minded and dumb.” Minhyuk paused quickly, his head directed towards the ground. “I-I know how you feel, hyung. We’re idols, you know…. The higher-ups always tell us we can’t date, that we should focus on your career. And if you love someone that’s out of the South Korean norms, it’s considered scandalous or whatever.”

Minhyuk pulled his legs up to his chest. “I-I’ve liked different men before, hyung, you know...” His gaze shifted to make eye contact with Shownu. “I hate seeing you beat yourself up for something you can’t control, especially when you remind me of myself…”

Shownu relaxed, completely silent. He gave Minhyuk all the attention he could.

“Look, you don’t need to feel bad for me, hyung… I’ve actually wanted to tell everyone in our group, but with comeback preparations and everything, it’s been hard to have a set time to prepare everyone to what I have to say." Minhyuk slightly tilted his head and softly smiled to reassure the leader.

“But this is about you, Shownu-hyung. The rest of the members are confused about you leaving, but we all want to help you. Kihyun does, too, okay? After we re-dye our hair tomorrow, you can chill out and talk with Kihyun then, and then we’ll step it to help if it involves us, alright?” Minhyuk's smile grew. “We’re a family, right, hyung?”

Shownu quietly scoffed, his posture more confident. “I’ve never heard you refer to me as ‘hyung’ that much-”

Minhyuk lightly punched his leader’s shoulder after loudly scoffing. “Jeez, Shownu-ah, you were actually getting me worried there…” Minhyuk then giggled, making Shownu softly smile for the first time since he got to the gym.

Minhyuk’s phone suddenly started to ring. After hearing his ringtone, the younger quickly hung up the call, and grasped the elder's hand to drag him off the bench press. Shownu stared at his member confused at first, but soon realized it was probably Changkyun calling to ask if they were both okay.

“Let’s go! Changkyun’s probably gonna be grumpy from waiting so long, so there’s no time to lose!!” Minhyuk’s energy had returned. The leader couldn’t help but smile. It was great to see the atmosphere change.

Shownu chuckled while he let Minhyuk haul him out the door. “Okay, Min.”

\---

Kihyun was tense, to say the least.

The members that stayed back at the dorm - Wonho, Hyungwon, and Jooheon - had to witness the small member try to do some K-pop related quizzes to pass the time, whilst sweating profusely and consistently tapping his fingers on the dinner table. This was Kihyun’s 26th quiz - Jooheon was keeping track - and he looked like he was about to breakdown based on how the results of the quiz stacked up.

Kihyun suddenly smacked his fist on the table, scaring everyone, while his jaw hung from his face. The three other members in the room inched closer to Kihyun, nervous that he would actually be emotionally moved from a results on some quiz.

“Guys,” Kihyun said, his eyes wide like saucers at his phone, “Jisoo’s my soulmate, oh my god!!”

Wonho, Hyungwon, and Jooheon proceeded to sigh at the same time, relieved that Kihyun wasn’t sad about his results. Jooheon swears that he saw Kihyun shaking in anticipation for any Blackpink related quizzes.

Wonho walked by Kihyun’s side, placing his arm around the younger’s shoulders. “Okay, Kihyun, I think that’s enough. Jooheonnie got a text from Changkyunnie a few minutes ago that they would all be back soon.” 

“But,” Kihyun was trying not to crack his happy visage, “There are so many more of these quizzes to go through… I haven’t even done any Red Velvet ones yet, hyung-”

Hyungwon sighed, ceasing Kihyun from continuing. Everyone’s attention turned to the tall member. Kihyun’s eyes glistened with nervousness.

“Kihyun-hyung…” Hyungwon started, a little hesitant as he saw how nervous Kihyun actually was. “We know you’re trying to improve your mood, but you should prepare yourself for when Shownu-hyung gets back.”

Kihyun opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it and turned his attention back to his phone.

Jooheon stepped up beside Kihyun and Wonho, moving his hand to comfort Kihyun’s hand on the table. “Hyung, it’s been an hour and you haven’t calmed down since talking with Shownu-hyung… I know you don’t really want to talk about it, but, honestly, we should have earlier.” Jooheon looked at Hyungwon and Wonho to see if they wanted to say anything else, but the other two members just looked back for him to continue.

“Hyung, do you want to do anything else-”

“Jooheon-ah,” Kihyun got up from his chair to seem more confident, swiping away Jooheon and Wonho’s attempts at comfort in the process, but quickly realized he was the shortest in the dorm with Changkyun gone. He stepped back closer to the chair he was previously sitting in. “I’m fine. I just… talking about it isn’t any use without Shownu-hyung here-”

“Yes, it is,” Hyungwon said, stepping up closer to be with the other members. “We can see you’re upset, Kihyun, don’t deny it-”

“Guys, I’m not upset.” Kihyun looked to the side, his hands locking together in front of him. “Well, maybe I am… but it’s not at hyung, if you guys are thinking that...”

“We know you’re not upset at Shownu-hyung, but we just… aren’t really sure you know what Shownu was saying when he was talking to you.” Hyungwon stepped closer, his presence still calm and a little intimidating.

The small member sat down into the chair, sighing heavily as he did so. “Hyung was criticizing my diet because he was worried about me, and… he was being too harsh on me, you know? I couldn’t help but-”

Wonho put his hand on Kihyun’s shoulder. “You’re kind of ignoring a big part of what hyung implied, Kihyunnie.”

Kihyun was quiet for a few seconds, staring at Wonho as if he wanted the older to continue. He started shifting in his chair a little bit before replying quietly, as if he was talking to himself.

“Shownu-hyung said he liked me....” Kihyun’s gaze returned away from the other members again. “He... “ He looked up back at the other three members, “he loves me… right…?” He ended his sentence as if he was stating a question.

Jooheon looked at the other members, seeing how they reacted to Kihyun’s confusion. Wonho continued to stare at Kihyun with his mouth slightly open, and Hyungwon’s head was in one of his hands.

Jooheon soon cut the silence. “Kihyun-hyung, Shownu-hyung likes you-”

“But I’m a man-”

“That’s besides the point now, hyung.” Jooheon was quick to interrupt. “The point is that Shownu-hyung likes you, and he basically ran away because he was scared that you would look at him differently.” The youngest could see the other two members beside him were nodding in agreement in his peripheral vision.

Kihyun kept quiet as he stared at the other three members, still confused.

Hyungwon loudly sighed, putting his head in his hands in an almost comical way. “ _UGH,_ you two are so _dumb!!_ ” He quickly moved up closer to Kihyun, pointing his finger right at Kihyun’s forehead to get his full attention.

“Just talk to Shownu, okay? He likes you, and you need to clarify that you like him, too!!” Hyungwon suddenly calmed down, his face now obviously in thought but still directed at Kihyun. 

“Wait, you like him, right?”

Kihyun’s face quickly flushed red, as he suddenly found the floor very interesting. “I-I’ve thought about it-”

“Well,” Wonho interrupted, shoving Hyungwon to the side to keep Kihyun’s stress levels low. “When Shownu-hyung, Minhyuk, and Changkyun come back, we can all get a good rest, and you two can talk tomorrow after some of us finish our dye job… alright, Kihyun?”

Kihyun nodded, about to confirm his agreement by replying. Before he could, however, the door swiftly opened, the three previously absent from the dorm now back and grabbing the attention of the other four members.

“‘SUP,” Changkyun said, before noticing that the atmosphere suddenly got quiet. He cleared his throat quickly, moving back to hide behind Minhyuk and Shownu. “Um, we’re back.” He softly said afterward.

Jooheon waved, smiling brightly to help brighten the dorm. “‘Sup, guys.” Wonho and Hyungwon speedily waved right after, slightly tense smiles on their faces. Kihyun was the last one to wave, waving as if he had just learned how to.

Minhyuk and Shownu waved back, although the leader’s greeting the most tense of all of them. After all of them officially acknowledged that the three were back from the gym, Minhyuk swore that there was a minute of silence as everyone tried to get comfortable again. Hyungwon ran to turn on the TV and Wonho stuffed popcorn in the microwave to distract the group from the anxiety that was present.

Shownu walked towards Kihyun on the table, grabbing all the other members’ attention while doing so. Even while the leader and main vocalist were concentrated in their own thoughts, they could still hear Minhyuk loudly whisper something about all of them going to brush their teeth in the bathroom and the sighs and swift footsteps that followed afterward. When Shownu looked up to see the five-member group, they were indeed gone to brush their teeth, if that was what they were actually doing instead of listening in onto his and Kihyun's conversation.

Kihyun pushed his bangs up over his forehead, right before looking up at Shownu.

“Hey, hyung,” Kihyun said with a soft smile.

Shownu realized Kihyun probably pushed his bangs up out of stress, maybe, but Shownu believed Kihyun was going for his heart at this point.

Shownu took a chair and sat down in front of the younger. “Hey, Kihyunnie.”

Kihyun wiped sweat from his forehead. He was probably a mess even before the leader greeted him with a cute nickname. The younger felt small butterflies in his stomach all of a sudden in the older’s presence.

“Hey,” Kihyun started, quickly realizing that he hadn’t really planned out what he was going to say. “I… I want to rest and clear my head before we talk-”

“Yes,” Shownu said abruptly, before tensing up and covering his mouth. After a few moments, he slowly released his hand from his face to gently grasp Kihyun’s hand. “I-I mean… I agree, Kihyun-ah...” He sighed, his tense form finally relaxing in what seemed like forever.

Kihyun grinned, placing his other hand on top of his leader’s. “We’ll talk tomorrow, for sure, after I dye my hair, okay?”

The older sighed and reflected Kihyun’s smile. “Okay, Kihyunnie…” He released his hand from Kihyun’s, a little awkwardly, and stood up from his chair. He began to ruffle Kihyun’s hair really quickly, to the younger’s dismay. “Let’s both rest; it’s been an… unusual day. Sleep well.”

Kihyun smirked, grabbing the older’s hand and giving it a small squeeze. “You sleep well too, hyung,” he said with a quiet giggle.

They both proceeded to go to their respective rooms before the microwave suddenly beeped, scaring the two.

A soft gasp was heard from the bathroom. _“The popcorn!”_ Wonho’s muffled voice said in the distance.

A muffled “shhh” was heard soon afterward. _“Shut up, hyung! They can probably hear us!!”_ Changkyun grumpily whispered, volume still softened from the bathroom door, but still loud enough for Shownu and Kihyun to hear.

Shownu and Kihyun rolled their eyes in unison, and continued their path to sleep.

“See you tomorrow, Kihyunnie,” the leader whispered.

“Of course. See you, hyung,” Kihyun whispered in reply.

\---

Shownu woke up from his slumber, surprised to see a person hovering over him when he opened his eyes.

The leader’s eyes widened while he scurried to get out of bed, only to hit the person’s head above him with his own.

“Ah,” Shownu sighed, relaxing the forming bruise on his forehead with his palm and blinking a few times to clear his vision of the small tears that came from the initial impact from hitting his head.

The leader then proceeded to yawn and rub his eyes of exhaustion, only for his vision afterward to display that Kihyun was in his room as well, now sitting on the bed and rubbing his head similar to where Shownu was rubbing his injury.

 _Oh,_ Shownu thought, eyes clear of fatigue growing wide, _I must’ve hit Kihyunnie!_

The older member quickly scrambled to Kihyun’s side, muttering swift apologizes to the smaller member’s form, instinctively rubbing Kihyun’s back to provide at least a little comfort that his awkward awakening had ensued.

“I’m sorry, Kihyunnie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you-”

“Aish~,” Kihyun said, with a quick exhale of breath, “I’m fine, hyung… just a little startled, is all…” The main vocalist gently grabbed Shownu’s arm to reassure the leader that he was indeed okay, but Shownu just continued to stay near.

Shownu sighed, laying his head near Kihyun’s shoulder. “I apologize, Kihyunnie. I’m really not at my best when I’m not awake for long…” The leader continued to lay on the younger’s shoulder, deciding to take in what Kihyun was dressed in. Kihyun didn’t really sound as if he had just gotten out of bed…

Shownu glanced down to where his arm laid near Kihyun’s figure. He was wearing a t-shirt and a thin, decorated jacket with ripped jeans, while sporting some black lace boots, with two centimeter-platforms, the leader estimated. Shownu’s vision then shifted up to the lead vocalist’s face, and, to Shownu’s expectation, Kihyun beared a full face of make-up, his ears also modeling small studs. Glancing up even more revealed to Shownu that Kihyun was wearing a large beanie, his hair seemingly all tucked inside of it. The small member’s lips were also extra glossy today. Why was Kihyun so dressed up this early in the day?

“...Shownu-hyung?”

The leader quickly snapped out of his daze, his eyes now aligned with Kihyun’s, admittedly confused, gaze. “Uh....”

Kihyun tilted his head. “Why were you staring at me like that? Is there something on my face?”

Shownu straightened his posture, moving a little away from the smaller member to give Kihyun some well-deserved space. “You’re just… really dressed up, Kihyunnie.” 

Kihyun playfully scoffed and clutched his right arm, rubbing it out of tenseness. A light blush decorated the vocalist's face. “I forgot to change into something more casual, didn’t I?” He stood up from Shownu’s bed, smiling as he grabbed the leader’s hand to hold it. “I went to go dye my hair pretty early so I could prepare lunch for us.”

“Oh,” Shownu said with a small smile, returning the gentle touch that Kihyun provided. “What color?”

“Well,” Kihyun said, attempting to pull Shownu out of bed, but immediately realizing he was not physically strong enough to get the older out successfully. The younger kept trying, though. “I guess you’ll figure out when you’re prepared for lunch, right?” Kihyun was slanted at a decent angle of elevation with the ground, as Shownu continued to hold the lead vocalist’s hand with a bit of strength.

The leader stood up, quick to help Kihyun retain his balance from the sudden shift in weight. “I’ll get ready quickly,” Shownu said with a chuckle, “We’ll meet in the kitchen, right?”

“Of course, hyung! I’ll wait for you,” Kihyun replied, releasing his hand from Shownu’s and heading outside presumably toward the kitchen. The leader noticed that the younger’s ears were bright pink before he was out of sight. He found it nice to know he wasn’t the only one that was flustered with the whole situation.

Shownu was quick to prepare himself into a presentable look for Kihyun. He rushed to the bathroom, brushing his teeth, cleaning his face, combing his hair to make it look semi-decent, and then rushed back to his dorm to change into an outfit that would hopefully impress Kihyun enough that the younger wouldn’t tease him about his appearance too much.

When Shownu finally reached the kitchen, the scent of warm Korean comfort food hit his senses, distracting him almost enough to completely miss Kihyun and bump into him again. Luckily, he was alerted to the small member right before an accident could happen. The leader was going to officially greet Kihyun and thank him for the great amount of food, but was soon distracted by Kihyun’s lack of beanie and what had originally been underneath.

Kihyun now sported dark gray, his hair parted in the middle and subtly curled. Although the older member was close enough to the younger to be greeted with that all familiar hair dye smell, he was stunned by how good the lead vocalist looked with his new hair. The leader swore dark gray would be his new favorite color for the next few months.

“Kihyun-ah,” Shownu said, backing up as to not be too close to the younger again, “you look wonderful. Your hair really suits you.”

“...T-Thank you, hyung,” Kihyun replied, blushing while playing with his hair in between his fingers. “It’s something… new, for sure. I’ve never had it this wavy before…”

“You shouldn’t worry. The fans will love it, Kihyunnie,” Shownu remarked, grinning right afterward. Kihyun is really cute when he’s flustered.

“I hope so,” Kihyun said, sighing and turning to the counter to pick up two platters from the counter. The main vocalist turned to Shownu, handing him a plate of bulgogi and tteokbokki. “Let’s set this on the table in the living room, hyung. I’ll be back with the side dishes. The utensils should be near the sink!” The leader hesitatingly took the plate, nearly in shock with how much Kihyun made for the two of them (Kihyun carried a whole platter of bibimguksu), but still followed the younger’s orders to the living room’s coffee table.

He passed Kihyun, who was carrying the rest of the meal, and headed back to the kitchen to fetch the bowls and chopsticks. He spotted them near the sink, as Kihyun had said they would be, and picked them up. Before leaving, however, he glanced to the sink, noticing a familiar bowl empty of food and set to rinse. It was Kihyun’s ramyun bowl from the night before, which had somehow become the catalyst to Shownu and Kihyun’s current weird tension. After he snapped out of his quick train of thought, he headed to the living room, ready to repair any strain that the two currently in the dorm could have between each other.

“I’m back,” the leader said, placing the cutlery and chopsticks on the table beside all of the food platters and sitting beside Kihyun on the couch. “Ah, I don’t think we’re gonna finish this, Kihyunnie…”

“Yeah,” Kihyun started, grabbing a bowl and a pair of chopsticks, “I did finish the ramyun from yesterday for breakfast… but the other members can just get leftovers for, like, three days.”

Shownu chuckled, grabbing a bowl and pair of chopsticks for himself, ready to dive into the large amount of Korean cuisine, until he got interrupted by the small member beside him.

“The other members left a little bit ago to dye their hair, and Jooheon went to get McDonalds or whatever, but they probably won’t be back until dinner time.” Kihyun bluntly said, gently stuffing a piece of chicken bulgogi into his mouth.

Shownu set down his bowl and turned to Kihyun to look at him face-to-face and deeply sighed. “I should explain myself before I eat.”

Kihyun ceased eating and turned to Shownu in anticipation. Both of them felt the growing tension. “Shownu-hyung-”

“We didn’t talk last night, Kihyun-ah. I… I’ve stalled long enough.” Shownu turned his body towards Kihyun’s, to distract his attention from the lunch the younger had prepared. “I apologize… for running off, Kihyunnie. I didn’t want you to judge me, so I-”

Kihyun set his bowl and chopsticks down roughly, making a loud enough noise to startle the leader. Kihyun turned directly to Shownu, criss-crossing his legs on the couch. “I should apologize, hyung. I got angry at you, unnecessarily, and I was too dumb to understand what you meant-”

“You aren’t dumb, Kihyun-”

“Yes, I am, hyung…” Kihyun seemingly shrunk in his posture. “I didn’t know you cared about my diets that much, hyung. I should’ve tried to not let you worry about me…. I’m sorry.”

Shownu exhaled, a little too loud then he originally intended. “Kihyunnie…”

“Everyone in this group knows I’m stubborn, hyung… it makes sense that you would worry that I would go too far with my diet again.”

Shownu scooted closer to the younger, placing a gentle hand on the main vocalist’s waist to try to relax him. It was now that the leader discovered how awkward the two actually were now, as Kihyun definitely noticed the touch and even flinched when it happened. They were always physically intimate with each other… why did the sudden affection make the two nervous now?

“Kihyunnie,” Shownu leaned closer to Kihyun, closing the space between where they were sitting. “I’m stubborn, too. I was hovering over you and making you stressed…” A faint blush showed up on the leader’s face. “I-I just wanted to make sure you were okay, but obviously I went overboard...”

Kihyun softly smiled, tucking a hair back behind his now pink ears. “I,” the younger shifted ever nearer to Shownu’s form, close enough to overlap his legs over the older’s own, “I think this just ended up as a big misunderstanding on both our parts, Hyunwoo-hyung.”

Shownu let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding in. “Y-Yeah… I agree.” The leader chuckled, laying onto Kihyun’s body out of relief. Kihyun delicately wrapped his arms around the older, easing in close enough to replicate a hug, despite how much tension had been in the room a few moments ago.

“Ah, Kihyunnie… I apologize… for everything…”

Kihyun gripped Shownu’s figure, holding tighter as if to not let go. “I apologize, too, hyung.”

Shownu’s face reddened even more, as he tried getting out of Kihyun’s tight grasp to prevent the younger from feeling how anxious the older really was. He looked down, grasping one of his arms with his other arm to somehow gain control of his state of mind.

“Can we… forget about what happened after dinner yesterday, Kihyun?” Shownu asked. “…I don’t want to bother you anymore than I already have.”

The leader glanced up at the main vocalist for a reply but was only met with a confused expression from the younger. Kihyun’s arms were still outstretched from their hug, almost as if he had forgotten that Shownu had moved away. The younger placed his hands on his knees, a fluorescent blush now covering his face.

“W-Why, hyung?”

Shownu stood still for a few seconds, suddenly tilting his head out of genuine confusion. “Kihyun-ah, did you mishear me?”

Kihyun quickly flinched out of embarrassment, and looked down to avoid the older’s gaze. “No, I… I don’t want to forget.” Sweat could be seen from Kihyun’s forehead, but he had somehow uttered the sentence with true confidence.

The leader scooted forward, swiftly clutching the younger’s hand with his own. “Kihyun,” Shownu called, “why wouldn’t you want to forget about my confession?” The leader’s nervous spiked up. “It’s embarrassing, a-and it’s not like we could do anything-”

“Why wouldn’t we able to do anything, hyung?” Kihyun asked, his voice quiet as to not startle the older.

Shownu paused, his grasp on the younger tighter than before. “I…” Shownu started, his eyes gazing to the side as he tried to find responses to Kihyun’s question, “I don’t see what I would provide to you; it’s not like I’ve been in a relationship before, Kihyunnie-”

“Hyung-”

“And you’re so nice, and hardworking, and handsome, and accomplished-”

_“Hyung-”_

“And we’re idols, and I’m the leader of our group, and the rest of the members would be bothered, and I have to be responsible so nothing bad happens-”

 _“Hyung!”_ Kihyun yelled, wrapping his hands around the older’s to gain his attention. “Calm down, okay? I’ve never seen you this stressed…”

“Kihyunnie-”

“Hyunwoo-hyung, please listen,” Kihyun insisted, letting one of his hands relax on Shownu’s cheek. The leader’s glance moved up to Kihyun’s at the sudden touch, his mind somehow both relaxed and stressed from looking at the main vocalist’s face.

“Hyung,” Kihyun quietly said, leaning closer to Shownu’s form, “I don’t want to forget your confession because it made me realize how much you cared for me. I…” Kihyun’s blush grew as he moved his hand to Shownu’s jaw to keep the older’s attention to his words. “I just don’t want to forget because it made me realize how much I wanted to help you.”

Shownu opened his mouth to say something, but Kihyun quickly continued. “I hate that you were struggling with this and I couldn’t help you, even though all of us are supposed to support you as leader. I,” Kihyun hesitated, avoiding Shownu’s direct glance out of anxiousness, “I-I _love_ you, hyung… I love you, and I want to support you as much as I can, I just… I didn’t realize it was ever an option until you confessed to me...”

Kihyun had tears at the corners of his eyes from his sudden emotional spiel, and his grasp on Shownu’s hand was tense with stress. The leader took this time to wipe Kihyun’s tears away before they could fall, and quickly hugged the younger before Kihyun could even think of crying more. Shownu was scared the sudden hug was too awkward for the situation, but Kihyun quickly returned the gesture.

They stayed together for about a minute in silence before Kihyun slightly squirmed out of Shownu’s grasp. The younger placed his head in his hands, moving his legs up to further help himself calm down. He then glanced up at Shownu, whose blush still remained all over his face, and loudly sighed.

“Ah,” Shownu breathed, a smile finally returning to his face at the sight of the younger relaxed. “Today was eventful, right?”

Kihyun laughed, his form falling to an arm of the couch. “It was productive, too, I guess.”

“I guess,” Shownu repeated, a slight chuckle escaping his mouth right after.

Kihyun straightened his posture and sat close enough to Shownu to close any space between them on the couch. He intertwined his hand with the leader’s, a smile creeping up on his visage. “We… never turned the TV on, hyung,” Kihyun said, glancing at Shownu in anticipation. “You want to watch a movie while we eat lunch?”

“Of course, Kihyunnie,” Shownu replied, squeezing Kihyun’s hand in return. “We’ll eat better with something playing in the background.”

Kihyun replied with a quick “okay” before switching on the TV and pushing the numbers on the remote to bring up the cooking channel. The both of them grabbed their bowls and utensils again to grab some somehow-still-hot lunch to eat. An idea sparked Kihyun’s mind, however, and he placed his lunch down and turned to Shownu.

“Hyung,” Kihyun called, placing a hand on Shownu’s thigh, “before you eat, there’s something else we need to do.”

Shownu turned towards the lead vocalist, his chopsticks already near his mouth. “What, Kihyunnie?”

Kihyun smirked before wrapping his hands around Shownu’s neck and placing a quick kiss on Shownu’s nose. Shownu’s face quickly flushed in response, making the younger giggle as he continued to grab food to eat. “I don’t want to have bad breath from the Korean food ruining anything from now on.”

Shownu chuckled as he inserted his first bite of lunch into his mouth. “You had a bite to eat before we talked, but okay,” the leader said, his speech slurred from eating and talking at the same time.

Kihyun lightly hit the leader’s shoulder out of protest. “Says the one that’s eating with his mouth full of food!”

“Ah, Kihyunnie,” Shownu said, swallowing before continuing right after. “This is delicious, though. You’re excellent at cooking.”

The younger scoffed. “You’re better, hyung.”

“Whatever you say,” Shownu mumbled, before surprising Kihyun with a quick peck on the lips. The leader continued to eat Kihyun’s food, pretending as if he had never kissed Kihyun for the sake of startling him. Kihyun glanced back at the leader with a giant smirk, even though his face and ears were now back to being as pink as a highlighter.

“I love you, hyung.”

“I love you, too,” Shownu said, swiftly patting the younger’s cheek before he grabbed more food to eat. “Please eat well, Kihyunnie,” the leader said with a smile.

Kihyun’s smile softed, nearing his chopsticks to his face.

“Of course. You eat well, too, Hyunwoo-hyung~.”


End file.
